“Rapist, school-shooter, incel, man-child, interrupter, mansplainer, boob-starer, birthday forgetter, frat boy, dude-bro, homophobe, self-important stoner, emotional-labor abstainer, non-wiper of kitchen counters. Trying to raise good sons suddenly felt like a hopeless task.”
As the culture wars rage, and masculinity has been politicized from all sides, feminist writer and mother of three boys Ruth Whippman finds herself conflicted and scared. While the right pushes a dangerous vision of fantasy manhood, her feminist peers often dismiss boys as little more than entitled predators-in-waiting. Meanwhile her home life feels like a daily confrontation with the triumph of nature over nurture.
With young men in the grip of a loneliness epidemic and dying by suicide at a rate of nearly four times their female peers, Whippman asks: How do we raise our sons to have a healthy sense of self without turning them into privileged assholes? How can we find a feminism that holds boys to a higher standard but still treats them with empathy? And what do we do when our boys won’t cooperate with our plans?
Whippman digs into the impossibly contradictory pressures boys now face; and the harmful blind spots of male socialization that are leaving boys isolated, emotionally repressed, and adrift. Feminist gonzo-style, she spends months interviewing incels, reports on a conference for boys accused of sexual assault; crashes at a residential therapy center for young men in Utah, talks to a wide range of psychologists and other experts, and gets boys of all backgrounds to open up about sex, consent, porn, body image, mental health, cancel culture, screens, friendship and loneliness. Along the way, she finds her simple certainties about male privilege seriously challenged.
With wit, honesty, and a refusal to settle for easy answers, BoyMom charts a new path to give boys a healthier, more expansive, and fulfilling story about their own lives.
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Creators
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Release date
June 4, 2024 -
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Kindle Book
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OverDrive Read
- ISBN: 9780593577646
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EPUB ebook
- ISBN: 9780593577646
- File size: 1059 KB
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Languages
- English
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Reviews
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Publisher's Weekly
Starred review from April 15, 2024
This captivating work of cultural criticism from journalist Whippman (America the Anxious), the mother of three young sons, explores how masculine norms deprive boys of connection. Interweaving personal anecdotes and reporting, Whippman discusses struggling to find books, movies, or other media about emotionally attuned male characters that would encourage her sons to “see themselves as... relational beings.” This dearth leads to disconnection, Whippman argues, citing her interviews with adolescent boys who reported wanting “more emotionally focused connections with friends” despite having “no real idea how to go about it.” Whippman’s deep dive into the state of modern boyhood serves up fascinating dispatches from a Manhattan all-boys’ prep school trying to stamp out toxic masculinity, a Utah residential therapy program aiming to instill “the values of traditional manhood” in participants, and a conference for an advocacy organization that defends young men accused of campus sexual assault. Whippman’s trenchant analysis explains without excusing some of the worst excesses of patriarchy, as when she concludes after interviewing incels (a group of “superonline” young men who feel entitled to sex) that they represent a toxic mixture of misogyny and a “lack of nurturing for young boys” that drives them to seek community in the “manosphere.” It’s an urgent call to reassess how boys are raised and socialized. Agent: Steve Ross, Steve Ross Agency. -
Kirkus
May 1, 2024
Examining the challenges of bringing up boys. Whippman, a British journalist, the author of America the Anxious, and the mother of "three adorable, irrepressible, anarchic, creative, rambunctious, aggressive, big-hearted boys," brings her anxieties about parenting to an investigation into the biological, psychological, and cultural forces that shape boys' identity and behavior. In the context of #MeToo and the swirling miasma of toxic masculinity, she finds parenting difficult and, at times, overwhelming. Hoping for insight and even guidance, she talked to psychologists, educators, academics, behavioral researchers, and therapists. She delves into scientific and sociological studies and chronicles her interviews with myriad boys and men--including "misogynistic incels" and residents at a teen therapy center--to help her understand what makes boys who they are. From birth, one researcher told her, boys are different from girls; their brains "are born more immature and vulnerable, and they mature more slowly throughout childhood." Especially in their early years, they need more nurturing than girls, and yet the opposite often occurs: Girls are cuddled and protected; boys told to act like "big men." Girls have constant role models of caretaking and emotional connection, while boys lack similar models "that could help them see themselves as connected, emotionally nuanced, relational beings, or even to see these kinds of social-emotional skills as something worth prioritizing and cultivating." Teenage boys who open up to her about sex, friendship, porn, and depression say they struggle to relate to their friends with the same honesty. "American men are the loneliest they have ever been," Whippman writes, "and the seeds of this loneliness and emotional disconnection take root during boyhood." Isolation is also exacerbated by the increasing time boys spend on social media and playing video games. "Connection," writes the author, "is at the heart of loosening the grip of masculinity." A thoughtful, well-informed look at boys' lives.COPYRIGHT(2024) Kirkus Reviews, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
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Formats
- Kindle Book
- OverDrive Read
- EPUB ebook
Languages
- English
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