This is How I Disappear

September 13, 2021
Malle (The League of Super Feminists) delivers a keenly observed graphic novel portrait of depression, trauma, and healing. Clara’s a poet whose life, on the surface, seems to be coming together. She has a book about to publish, a steady if frustrating job in publishing, and a circle of friends. But she struggles with suicidal thoughts and panic attacks that make daily life a battle, especially as her book launch pushes her anxieties to the fore. Malle’s loose, sprightly black-and-white pen art shines at depicting the details of artsy 20-something society: karaoke nights, soul-baring conversations at cafés and coffee shops, an emotional birthday party at a cabin. Clara’s experience highlights the mundane stresses of dealing with mental health, from searching for affordable therapy to learning how to set limits on social activities, as well as the deadening exhaustion of depression. “It’s like my head’s full of something black and sticky that sucks up all my energy,” she reflects. The leisurely paced story sometimes rambles in its search for a narrative thread, but eventually gets direction as Clara finds strength and support in her comrades. Reminiscent of the diary comics of Gabrielle Bell, this low-key look at life in recovery has a disarming simplicity and bracing sincerity.

December 3, 2021

Clara is in crisis. Her workload as a marketing assistant at a publishing house is punishing, she's reeling from a recent breakup, and she's accepted an advance for a book she can't bring herself to write. She's been depressed for so long it's become her status quo. "When I cry now," she admits to a friend, "it's just physics. Like I'm a vase full of water so I spill over. The tears are automatic. There's nothing alive about it at all." Her friends express concern, but they're ultimately busy with their own lives, dealing with their own issues, and anyway, Clara's too ashamed of feeling the way she does to accept their support. Malle's (The League of Super Feminists) black-and-white illustration emphasizes body language and gesture, utilizing a thin line that highlights Clara's fragility. That being said, there's nothing sentimental here--this is a complex, at times brutally honest, story about a young woman at a breaking point. VERDICT An empathetic, detailed character study exploring the interior and exterior obstacles to seeking mental health support.

Copyright 2021 Library Journal, LLC Used with permission.

Starred review from October 15, 2021
In this story about one young woman's struggle with depression, Malle represents an achingly relatable experience of loneliness and stagnation. Translated from French and set in the picturesque city of Montreal, the book follows the work and life of Clara, a poet who works part time for a small press. She is overworked and underappreciated, trying to finish her new book and keep her head above water. In addition, she tries to keep seeing her friends and make new connections. The sequence of events reveals the drudgery of maintaining regular life while under the heavy weight of mental illness. Clara attempts to explain to her friends what she's going through, but it only worries them in a way that causes her to further close herself off from them. The road to mental health is not a simple one for Clara, even with support. Malle draws powerful meaning out of even the smallest moments, such as when Clara is alone in bed, searching websites for advice about how to get through this difficult time. The black-and-white, hand-drawn style suits the story perfectly and quietly enhances Clara's darker moments. It is a heartbreakingly familiar story that will resonate with readers of Phoebe Gloeckner's The Diary of a Teenage Girl (2002) and Julia Wertz's Drinking at the Movies (2010).

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