Little Panic

Starred review from March 26, 2018
Stern (The Long Haul) courageously lays open her excruciating experience with 25 years of untreated panic disorder in this brave memoir of mental illness. From the time she was a small child growing up in New York City, Stern found terrifying possibilities in everything—what would happen if she lost her mother or she herself was kidnapped, what if her family lost their house, what if the constant testing of her intelligence revealed what she suspects. that she is different from all other children. She is eight years old at the time her worst fears are made real in 1979, when six-year-old Etan Patz—who lived mere blocks from her family’s Greenwich Village rowhouse on MacDougal Street— disappears without a trace, and Stern’s close friend Melissa dies of a brain tumor. Before she found her considerable talents in the theater and in writing, Stern tried coping through unhealthy behaviors, including an increasing dependence on cocaine. Failed relationships further reinforced Stern’s feeling that there was something broken inside her, along with the heartbreaking belief that her constant worrying kept those she loved safe from harm. Readers who have had panic attacks or have experience with a similar disorder will instantly relate to Stern’s experiences; those who do not will come to understand the disease’s terrifying power—and the utter relief that comes when it is finally identified and treated. Honest and deeply felt, Stern’s story delivers a raw window into the terrifying world of panic disorders.

April 15, 2018
Stern (The Long Haul, 2003) offers a searing memoir about her lifelong panic disorder.In a series of mostly brief chapters, most of which could function as stand-alone mini-essays, the author proves, as other memoirists have before her, that looking away from a train wreck can be nearly impossible. The riveting story is mostly chronological, as Stern deals with her daily fears up to age 25, the age when a therapist finally provided the proper medical term for her outsized anxieties. "The matter-of-factness with which [the therapist has] said all these life-altering things astonishes me," she writes of that revelation. "I've spent my entire life battling some impossible, invisible plague no one ever seemed to see, and this guy did it with such ease, as though panic disorder is easy to establish, obvious to anyone who would take the time to ask what my symptoms were; textbook, even." At times, the author jumps ahead to the current decade, as she approaches 50. In her recent years, she has been thinking seriously about becoming a mother. As a result, she explores the science of freezing her eggs until she can identify a suitable sperm donor. Eventually, she decided that the move would be too risky. With a loving mother, a compassionate stepfather, stable siblings, admirable schoolteachers, and at least a couple of competent therapists, the author seemingly faced good odds of shedding her panic disorder and resulting anxieties. However, as she shows, she has had to battle anxieties nearly every day, with occasional patches of worry-free hours. In one of the chapters, Stern shares with readers a day-by-day account of a full week, conveying what it is like inside her head. At the end of selected chapters, the author includes actual paragraphs from the reports of multiple therapists she consulted, sometimes willingly, sometimes under duress.Stern is such a skilled stylist--and such an unforgiving judge of herself--that the memoir radiates a morbid fascination.

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May 15, 2018

Novelist (The Long Haul) and middle-grade author ("Frankly Frannie" series) Stern outlines her childhood and adolescence with a series of vignettes that slowly unravel her anxious life in New York City. She intertwines conversations with neighbors, friends, and teachers with doctors' appointments and notes in her medical files. The tension only increases when a child is abducted a mere few blocks from her home. A tense home life and lack of mental health awareness creates frustration. The author's acute attention to detail and conversational tone will capture readers' attention, as she gives voice to young people who might also be struggling with similar situations and could learn from the challenges she faced. VERDICT This accessible personal narrative is for readers who have been touched by divorce, anxiety, or are looking for a new perspective through memories of childhood.--Meghan Dowell, Beloit Coll., WI

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